Tuesday, May 24th, 2022

Back to Britain, Back to Bullshit

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[Warning, this is a rant, but I need to get it off my chest]

I’m back. I would have blogged yesterday, but the usual 3rd world cell infrastructure in the UK prevented me doing so.

Well, it’s great to be back to familiarity. I’m glad to say that I was presented with all the nonsense and bullshit of living in the UK within 1 hour of arrival. Here’s the inventory:

  • Usual nonsense of doing a circular tour of London a few times before landing due to Heathrow congestion. I really don’t know why they just can’t build another runway. To the environmentalists: I know your idea of working is at some youth hostel, charity shop, or organic food shop. However, I have to point out that the UK as an island needs realistically needs to do trade. That requires business people (like me) to travel. My life is too short to spend 20 minutes circling around central London every bloody time I have to land at Heathrow. I should also point out the wasted fuel that must result by having to do this. A straight landing implies shutting the engines off at a reasonable time, then simply dropping in. Instead I hear the engines firing up to circle. I wonder if anyone has calculated the environmental impact of that ?
  • We land, taxi (quick for a change). Seatbelt goes off, I’m ready to disembark within 25 seconds. Yep, no jetty crew available. This really does irritate me. I mean it’s not as if they didn’t know we were coming ! One of the worlds largest airports, fully scheduled timetable, and I have to wait ca. 5 mins to disembark. Why can’t the UK outsource sensible things to other parts of the world ? Can’t they just bring the jerry crew from Hong Kong airport over ? I never seem to have that problem there !
  • Iris system working. I nearly passed out with shock. Well, it was working, but the screen had a Windows error message on it which suggested it wasn’t working. 7/10 I guess.
  • Elevator doesn’t work to go to baggage hall. Well, it would be impossible for an entire journey to have a set of working elevators.
  • Bags take 7 mins to come through. I get frustrated as I start to worry that my express tag has been removed by some dumbo in the US who can’t read English and mistakes it for an old tag. Thankfully not, they’ve just got the bag order mixed up a little bit.
  • Arrive at Paddington. Usual weekend underground carnage. Great, I have to change at Oxford Circus. No problem changing at the main station for shoppers in the world’s busiest shopping district near lunchtime on a Saturday afternoon ! Oh and I have to carry bags up and down two flights of stairs. It’s also boiling hot. Result: hot, sweaty, frustrated Craig.
  • Train back to Cambridge. 2 mins notice to get to the train. Usual carnage of Cambridge people not being able to board trains in a civilised manner (think lemmings). Get on train. Announcement: train delayed, no driver. Argh. Of course the result is that the train instead of being half full, starts to get fuller with all the late people who would have normally missed the train. In medieval times, these would be the people that would have been naturally removed from the genetic pool as they would have been at the back of the pack when hunting for food. In First Capital Connect times, they are just annoying. I’m sitting there nice and comfortable. Before I know it – Cambridge family ! In this case Euro guy (Dutch) with daughter. They are carrying bags of food, I just know I am going to be frustrated. I move to an adjacent seat (mistaken by them for me being courteous). Train moves off. Guy picks up story book, I think ‘nice touch, give the child a book to read’. Oh no, this is Cambridge. He has to read the daughter the story. Yep, 50 mins of listening to some Euro moron reading (loud) a story to his kid. I put my headphones on, the other passengers give me a kind of smile as I’m sure deep down they know what I really want to say to the guy is “do you think this train is a f***** creche ?, please shut the f*** up, or move to another carriage”.
  • Back to Cambridge. Station jam packed as usual. Traffic a total disaster. About a 1km queue of traffic as it’s Saturday and the whole of East Anglia has come to Cambridge for shopping.

In short, 11 hour flight pain-free. 1 week being a good positive mood destroyed by a 2hr journey :(.

Thankfully just here for another 14 days, then off again :).

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