Sunday, June 16th, 2024

Local News


I feel embarrassed due to a purchase I made earlier at the newsagents. No, my hands didn’t wander to the top shelf of the magazine counter and purchase something. Actually I bought a copy of the Cambridge News ! The front cover story caught my attention and I needed a little light reading this morning (I also bought the FT and Weekend Telegraph, somewhat different quality publications !).

In this case, the headline was simple “Grand Arcade is full for first time”. On that headline compelled to read up on local news. Actually, I first thought the headline was “Grand Arcade is full of s*** for first time”, but hey your brain can play tricks on you. The story is simple- for the first time since it was built the shopping centre has all its units filled. Great, headline news eh ? It goes on to mention that they had been worried since Hugo Boss had pulled out blaming ‘tough trading conditions’ – that’s polite trader speak for Cambridge people have poor taste and that actually unless you are a downmarket (or niche) seller you have pretty much no chance in Cambridge.

Of course there being absolutely no other news, this story then features on pretty much ever page of the publication. I was particularly impressed by the ‘Opinion’ column, where they make out that Cambridge is some unemployment haven (sorry, Big Issue Sellers don’t count). My jaw dropped when I read the final sentence “that means security for shop workers, ..”. Great, that means back to the old days of poor shop staff who don’t care and give poor service (sigh).

Enough of that. Let’s look at what else is hitting the headlines:

  • Drug driver avoiding prison- dull boring analysis of random drug driver not having to go prison.
  • Naked cyclist in trouble again- nonsense story about guy who cycles naked being arrested when travelling outside Cambridge. Funny how times change, in the Victorian era people doing such things would be arrested and locked up, in Cambridge it’s seen as a positive thing and hits the headlines when another county has a problem with it.
  • Dumped kitten rescued at lake.
  • Pet dogs in Cambridge are slimmest and trimmest. (ed: shame about the owners)
  • Pizza Hut opening after refurbishment.
  • Swingers club finally closing (love the pun ‘swing into action’). I am actually surprised they aren’t allowing this to continue as technically speaking ┬áit discourages inbreeding and might actually improve the gene pool.

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